Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize