when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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