you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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