You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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