He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
