is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
