I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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