she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
