I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
