God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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