i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
