1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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