$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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