Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
