I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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