is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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