I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You can't motorboat a personality
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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