I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
