paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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