Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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