all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
