About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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