i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
