I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
