Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
