just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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