Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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