Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.

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(720): View more from Colorado

so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.

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(333): View more from

im calling her cock vulture from now on

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(727): View more from Florida

don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.

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(773): View more from Illinois

If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.

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(925): View more from California

Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.

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