it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
