At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
