well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
