It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize