I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
