she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
