Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
