bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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