NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
