I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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