oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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