My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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