Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
