Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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