we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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