IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
