Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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