my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
