a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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