he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
