All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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