It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
