I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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