my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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