it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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