All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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