So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
