literally had 100 drinks last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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