Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
