My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
