fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
