I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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